The Ever Growing Page of Quotes

People say some really stupid, funny, or just fairly amusing things. And to think, these people are my friends!

 

Little Dave
"Sure its fun to play with, but how does it taste?"

Andy Putnam
"The trumpet is like the uzi of the brass section. Small. Powerful. Sexy."

Donna
"I just popped some Viagra and I'm ready to go..."
"I could never go to bed with you. We'd never get any sleep."
"Good Lord....its better to think about my "cock" than what a cock you are."
"Why not? I can suck if I want to!"
"Wood is good. Food is bad."
"I'm just tonguing and putting my fingers in places."

Nicole
"Greeeaaat....I like cheeeeese!!"
"Once it came out I just didn't want to touch it anymore."
"Our brains are shrinking as we speak. Isnt' that sad?"
"I have good hand position. My teacher told me I have good hand position. I had been paranoid about my hand position: flat wrist, fingers curved."
"I am one messed up individual."
"Dang it.... I'm going to smack that puppy today."
"She just stuffed the puppy and just left."
"This is the kind of song that makes you want to pee."
"What is your obsession with my ass?"
"There's no way if it was a solid willy [that] it would have that little fat."
"Are you licking it out of the hole?!?! You're supposed to use your fingers!!"
"Euphoric screamin disturbs me more than orgasmic laughter and general merriment combined."
"Get back on Kevin!"

Derek
"And you don't think I'm loose?"
"I like hard, like a rock."
"I hate to see people suffering from the burden of pants."
"I was laying on the curb one time and made a buck fifty. I guess I looked homeless."
"I'll give you the money, just stop rubbing me."
"The softer side of Sears sucks. That's why I work at the service side of Sears."
"I was messing with that earlier, it might be a little loose."
"Do I like the booty feel?"

Nathan
"I'm always right. One time I thought I was not right but I was wrong. So see, I'm always right!"

Kevin
"Sorry, I don't do many movie stars."
"He pulled out and I pulled in."
"You have to admit, it was easy and good."
"Her (Marilyn's) child's gonna be messed up because it was raised by you (Nicole H.)."
"No wonder you don't play very much, you'd get light headed."
"They have edible panties, why not edible panty hose?"
"It's at home. In my pants."
"We're missing a bump."

Trey
"I'd rack my brain, but I don't want to smash the pea."
"You call that thing 'Love?'"
"But you're supposed to suck them."
"I'll do whatever the ef I want to your head."
"Quit throwing okra at me."

Jaime Erazo
"Its just the sound of that organ with those massive power chords that say 'I'm Beefy.'"

Julian
"I have crumbs in my pockets."
"If some evil witch came by and turned me into crap, I'm pretty sure this is what I'd feel like."

Allison
"Wait, let me read the instructions on how to feel myself up."

Scott and Marilyn
Scott: We aren't retarded, we're just music majors.
Marilyn: There's a difference?
Scott: It's a fine line..."

Scott: We buy the toilet paper that's on sale as long as its not the same as the school's.
Marilyn: Yeah, I know, it chafes.
Scott: Yeah, I know, I've experience that on my backside.
Marilyn: Think about what I feel like.

Marilyn: Now you know what it will be like to have a wife.
Scott: No, I'll have a dishwasher.

Marilyn: This is just like having a bisexual sleepover.
Scott: No. I think you mean co-ed.

Marilyn
"I named my clarinet Claire, and I named Jeremy's clarinet FMH. It stands for "Fuckin' *insert derogatory M-word here (such as moron)'s horn."
"I've been about to pee my pants all night because of you."
"That's a good name for a condom manufacturer: Baggett and Sackett."
"It sure as hell was random coming out."
"When I've just waxed I don't tie people out."
"Oh my God, speaking of mmm mmm mmmm..."
"Oh my God, speaking of little green things..."
"There are two ways to use pink flamingos..."
"This wall's not open..."
"This is exactly what I want, just not this big."
"You guy's do horrible things to my bladder."
"Smell the peachy freshness!"
"Where are we going to put it? I don't have room in my fridge for it."
"48 people, 3 cats, and your momma."
"Have you ever wondered what your butt would look like at 200%?"
"It's only Petey!"
"I have a great camel picture"
"Did you just put your finger in my peanut butter?"
"I'm not wearing my chicken dance bra!"
"Why are we discussing my breasts?"

Scott
"Ya know, that was kind of sticky, I wouldn't put that there."
"Yuck! I got it on me!"
"We did ok at Disney but I got a little too excited during the Orange Bowl parade."
"We came in to get panty hose, we got a cake, and we're still missing the panty hose."
"Marilyn, have you ever scanned your butt?"
"I need more, I need a Marilyn size piece."
""I'm not supposed to be exposed that way."
"Hahahahahahahaha, ow, hahahahahahaha..................good!!"
"Jelly squirts!"
"So me, Marilyn, and Marilyn's breasts are going to watch Ten Things I Hate About You."
"Whatever you want, I got it."

Mary Ellen
"You're teasing me Marilyn. Stop it!"
"You can't tell if I'm wearing a shirt."

Jesse
"Every bite is a bite of love."
"I just have the uncontrollable urge to stick my finger in the hole before they close it and slap me."
"It has all these fun little knobs."

Laura
"I get a little excited in the mornings."

Sarah
"Let's ask Trey for sex and then I gotta go to bed."

Heather
"You know why I think people don't like sharps? They don't look happy, they look agitated."

Terri
"Hey, look! Its Scott, and Marilyn, and me... except I'm a little black."

Phil
"My mother left some candles for us to burn, I was going through them and there was this bunny-foo-foo one, I burned the little bunny decal off with my torch, then I light it and it smells like flowers."

Laurel
"I want a monkey! If I could I could own a monkey I would!"

Becca
"See, just like a sausage factory!"

Chris Neal
"Is there a bigger one that isn't on its way to New York?"

The Innuendo Conversation
Kevin: What if we said the word "innuendo" instead of "day?" Then we could say things like "How's your innuendo going?" Or "Toinnuendo is Wednesinnuendo."

Trey: Or Sandra Innuendo O'Connor

Nicole: Or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Innuendo Saints.

(several days later) Allson: What about InnuendolightDoughnuts?

Marilyn's Child Conversation
"Where were you born?"
"I was born in my mom's dorm bathroom."
"Actually it wasn't her bathroom, she shared it with three other people."

Random Quotes (Feel free to ask me about any of them)
"When all is said and done, written and read, I don't have all the answers. I don't have things figured out. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

What is life without some kind of change? A stagnant life is just death with a heartbeat

"No, you're the wrong neighbor for the 'hood!"

"Ow! You're a naughty lizard!"

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I."

"Be cool. Be hype. Be sexy. Be teckno. Be WEB on CONTACTFM.COM" -French radio website

"What is life, but our own mere insignificant perception of the world around us?"

Jason: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Brandon: I don't know. Ask your mom, she chucked my wood last night.

"In days of old
when knights were bold
and condoms weren't invented,
knights wore socks
upon their cocks
and babies were prevented."- Under my bed.

"Cheap hoes, $17.99. Only at Sears."

"If you feel good about your area, let me know." -Wal-Mart announcer